Sometimes you have to fall a little bit to remember who you are. This past week highs turned into creeping lows. The person I knew myself to be whithered away, and the person I was, was gone. For a moment I lost touch with the heart of my project. I was someone else, and that someone else couldn’t remember the point. When I finally reconnected with my project and my life I had been cultivating it was a breath of fresh air. Perhaps I’m more of an extreme than most people. I shift personalities the way some people shift suits. The extreme jump from being Person A to being Person C. Watching Person A get allocated to Person’s Z’s mind. Feeling as though one day everything I loved is gone and I can’t relate to what I loved anymore, what I valued, or believed. In those moments it goes beyond not caring, but to feeling differently, to not even understanding why I even want to help or share with people who do not want to help themselves. It’s that part of the mind that clocks out, who doesn’t care to share with a people who might not understand how good it feels to be connected in this place. And it’s in those moments that I lose my connection.
There are insight to be gained from these moments.
I’ve always known that hidden beneath the changing minds, the changing realities, the changing perceptions there was one core reality. One true self, that could be integrated with the whole. I know how good it feels to be connected to this whole, this source, without the fear. And all the work, all the years I’ve spent cultivating tools to help me integrate my whole, to help myself feel connected to the source, to see. To see what is, what’s real, and not what isn’t. To see who we truly are underneath all the personality and the masks, and to build ourselves up and create a better world, a better reality for ourselves and others.
Our goal here should be to connect with our core self, to shed away all the things we are not, to connect with this entity and to remember who we really are. From this place we can expand and cultivate a self that is transformed and connected with love and source, and retreat as refuge to this place daily until we have merged completely into this place of love. It is a practice, and we all have a habit of falling away from this source. But imagine this core self like a plug, and when you fall off the horse, all you have to do is replug, reconnect. No need to feel sorry or sad about yesterday, about giving into our sadnesses, our jealousy’s, losing ourselves. All of that’s gone, all there is, is just this moment. And from this moment you can plant anything.
So here’s some tips on how to reconnect with yourself and who you are, to reconnect with this place of Love and Source.
Set Aside Minutes
Even if you’re distracted and your mind is completely preoccupied and absorbed in something else, set aside a few minutes. Maybe start off with a few seconds, then try again, maybe throughout the day maybe even the next day. Stilling your mind is a super power. It’s like stopping to see if you can levitate an object, but in this case you’re stopping to see if you can still your mind in order to reconnect with yourself. Without quieting the noise. The feelings you won’t be able to hear yourself.
Ask Basic Questions Throughout the Day
The first question asks, if you want to reconnect with your project. And why not? What resistance are you facing? Why don’t you want to work on your project? Make this an exercise. You might find that even when you can’t still your mind everyday you’re able to elicit questions from yourself every day. This is essential. Try to remember why you’re doing what you’re doing, why you loved what you loved? Do you still love it? Has it changed? What about you has changed? Do you feel differently? What do you feel? Why? Ask yourself questions, and then ask your questions questions, keep answering them.
This self-elicitation, or self-inquiry is an exercise and the purpose it serves is to uproot barriers and get to the source, the heart of the matter.
Uproot the Barrier
All of these questions are meant to do two things. One they’re meant to uproot the barrier, to get to the conflict. That inner conflict, that little voice that conflicts with what you believe or want. Maybe you’re sad because you want to be working, but maybe you’re not working because you don’t feel like you’re any good, you’re an imposter, not smart enough. Or maybe you’re not working because you can’t get yourself to care about it but you want to care, and if you ask yourself why you care, you might say it’s important to me, and if you say it’s important to me, you have to ask why and then figure that out. The barrier is the belief or thought that stops you. The reason your mind gives you from not pursuing something or to pursue something else. It may be accompanied with sadness, or happiness, or even just awareness that you’re not doing something else and don’t care. Even if you don’t care in one moment, you may care in the next, and having these questions ready is the purpose.
The second reason is, aside from the barrier, uprooting the barriers and challenges help you to discover what you want, or the why, the ‘what’. Understanding the roots helps you understand the ‘what’. When you’ve determined what you want to do, you can remove the barrier and realize what and why it is what it is. You can go a step further and ask more questions, sometimes the questions lead themselves into a loop. But if you can ask the right question and uproot the barrier. Then you’ve discovered your core “What” , your “Why”, and it’s that why. Remembering why you’re doing any of this, that can help reignite that passion. That’s the goal.
Note. The goal isn’t to look for reason to reconnect. You don’t need a reason, it’s already there. The goal is to listen to your heart, and to remind yourself. To uproot any barriers or conflicts within your limited beliefs and systems that keep you from it. The more you create a habit of doing it the quicker and easier this process is.
Throughout the Day Breathe in Pain, Send out Love
It feels weird to say breathe in pain, send out love. That’s a practice called Tonglen and Loving-Kindness meditation. When you breathe in pain of the world you hold it within yourself and transmute it with a cool balm of love, and then you send that love back out. You transform the world around you with love. Take in pain, transmute it into love and send it out. One way to transmute the pain is to visualize yourself connecting to a source and well of infinite love. Then visualize that source of love transmuting your own pain with love. Explore that pain, examine it, question it. Don’t attach to the thoughts, just inquire from them. Breathe in the pain deeper into love, let it turn into that love, and then breathe it out until nothing but love surrounds you.
We come full-circle. Eventually we’ll arrive at the stillness within us. All will be silent, and in that silence we are home. And in that place if we listen we will find our passion again, it could be just a spark. Something that reminds us. But do this a little bit every day, set a little bit of time each day to allow your project, yourself, your love, anything you want. We can’t always be connected with this source, this place within ourselves 24/7, especially not in the beginning. This is OK. Do these steps, practice these 5 steps everyday that you struggle with writer’s block, or disconnection from your love, your project, from anything. Relax into it, give yourself space and room. Don’t push it, and it will come. Just like that. Treat it like a daily exercise, where some days are easier than others, others not so much. It’s from this place of clarity that you can determine what your next actions if at all will be, take the right steps, make the right moves, and do whatever it is you wanted to do with your life.