“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” — Rumi
It is with great joy I sit and write this as part of an ongoing Mudita series. Over the past week I sat with my mind meditating on more ways to combat envy and jealousy. Feelings that reflect our inner state of unhappiness with ourselves and project them on the external things around us, particularly people and things we feel and want. I made an ongoing effort to put it into practice, and I began to notice a change: I was happier. The people around me were happier, and I was better able to give positive and uplifting feedback towards the people around me, even rebuilding relationships I had long since thought lost.
Here is what I found to be helpful for me on my journey.
A Shift In Focus
Instead of focusing on something that makes you unhappy when you think about it (bad relationships, failed tests etc.) begin thinking about things that make you genuinely happy (for me, that’s love, martial arts, spirituality, game development and new projects).
When something occurs that you don’t want to happen and you catch yourself thinking, saying or behaving with, “No I don’t want that,” or “I don’t like it when you do that.” shift to the positive. Focus not on the negatives, the things you don’t want. But instead. “I like it when you do these things.” or “I’d like more positive healthy relationships.” Focus on the positive aspects of people, focus on the positive things that you want and then notice that if you focus on shifting away from negativity you begin to see more positive things including people around you, you begin to behave better towards them, and instead of feeling negativity and rejection from you they feel closer.
Accept and Take Responsibility
The moment you decide that you and you alone are responsible for your happiness and not external forces you relinquish their power and give yourself power. This is great with all sorts of emotions. “You didn’t make me do that, I chose to do that.” accept your sadness, and anger and jealousy, things that trigger
Spiritual Health and Development & Well being
Make this your primary focus. You want to make the conscious decision that your personal development, spiritual (or mental) health and well-being is more important than any other focus you have. This is not something that happens overnight and requires a commitment to changing your habits and behaviours and transmuting them into positive ones. You’ll want to create a schedule around it and then dedicate yourself daily to it.
To start. Create a list of goals, things you want to achieve in life, then take those goals and write a solution. What can you do to master these goals? This takes a little research and critical thinking, but is necessary.
Using those goals create a Spiritual Fitness Program with specific activities designed around this, this is your schedule for daily living. You want to stick to this schedule to make this a daily ingrained habit. It’s broken into 3 areas and worked in with your life, it’s unique to you. Meditation, Fitness, Diet and Daily Life.
In the following weeks I will work on creating an example of what one looks like and a step by step guide for how to create your own “Spiritual Fitness Program”. These are things I have applied into my own life inspired by boot camps and monasteries around the world. But you don’t need to wait for this program to be released, go out there and write goals and things you could do to achieve those goals, and then research and create some things that you can do with your health and focus in mind. If you need help with this contact us with your goals and we can work through solutions and create a program just for you.
Redirect. Redirect. And Redirect Again from bad habits
In the beginning your mind will constantly find itself feeling pangs of jealousy or envy or some other negative emotion. By now you should have figured out the root of the underlying feeling it brings to your attention to. Feelings of unworthiness or lack. Thank the negative emotion for bringing attention to your underlying feelings, and then redirect your thoughts to something that makes you happy or that is positive, or finding a reason this thing that happened in your life can be a good thing.
It’s a constant process in the beginning. Your negative thoughts will rise up again and again, but you will redirect. Redirect. And Redirect again, shifting focus from the negative and focusing your attention to the positive aspects.
Love, Awe & Appreciation
You want to aim to spend more appreciating things than putting them down. Appreciate people for their own unique strengths and differences, for how they’ve helped shine a light on areas you need to grow or in places where you are. People are like mirrors. Perhaps they helped you figure out what you really want. You can’t make those things fit into matching up with you, but you can appreciate those things. Maybe someone’s big house and big garden remind you that you want security and love, thank them for bringing your attention to the areas you lack. Appreciate them for what they’ve taught you, your bad patterns or habits. Your appreciation for them feels good for that person, strengthens them, but more than that, it’s a sign of wellness, of cultivating a healthy loving relationship with yourself, and appreciating yourself and where you are in the journey right now.
Help People To Feel Good & Redefine Your Life
There’s a saying when you want to feel better about yourself help others to feel good. Today is a brand new day. Redefine your life, who you are and who you want to be. Commit to building something great and helping others to build something great.
Fill Your Time With These 7 Activities
In combatting your negative feelings, spend less time around things that remind you how bad you feel, and more time doing things that remind you or help you to feel good.
Try filling your time with things that help others and help you. Here are just a few tips I’ve found to help.
- Serve others
- Lift people up
- Prioritizing, Planning
- Simplify (life)
- Acceptance of success and failure, redefining failure
- Perspective – change the way you look at things
- Practice daily Gratitude
These 7 things alone when practiced daily are enough of a starting point to help change your day. Redirect your attention from activities that feel bad and refocus them on things that make you feel better but harm no one. Things that focus on your growth and development and make you into the person you want to be.