So for 10 – 12 years maybe more I’ve been working on this series as part of my Compassion Project (which has since evolved into Zenratstudios, something that feels so much bigger than me). The series was an exploration of war, individualism vs. group think, persecution, and institutionalized violence and withdrawal (isolation on individual and collective levels). Its focus was characters in mythology and one soul at the source of it all whose increasing self-knowledge threatens her family. I put it aside for 3-4 years not thinking there was a place for such a book that tackles such things in the world, I thought it would be too traumatic for a western civilization which would burn it, if not because I feel like a horrible writer, but because it tackles painful issues we’d rather ignore.
But then ISIL happened, and the persecution of the Yazidis and thousands of others. And it has angered and depressed me. And I told myself I can’t just do nothing. I can’t just stay silent and shelve my heart even if no one ever hears me, even if no one ever cares.
So. I went back to take a look at the series and it’s mythological mountain, a symbolism of protection and isolation, and I realize now that I have to push myself to finish and put it out there. That there is a place for it and its message.
There are 24 hours in a day, even just 5 minutes to an hour of working on my multiple but interweaving projects per day is progress in the right direction. One is a game, part of a refugee series, that will put people in the shoes of the difficult choices refugees face every day. The other is a series of books that explores the darker side of being human and how to overcome it.
Sometimes I think what if I die before I ever get to complete this work. Then I guess I just die. But the life I have lived is one that has been spent for years trying to solve this problem, for years trying to heal my own wounds so that I could have the courage to take these steps, and I will spend another ‘years’ focused on trying to make this a reality even when I don’t feel smart enough to do what I am doing. It’s true a good leader is only as good as his or her team and I don’t have one of those yet. But sometimes you have to walk alone, speaking your truth to everyone willing to listen before you find the right group of people, willing to help you, help them make a difference.